Kitchen appliances, liquor collections, furniture - you name it, mine was probably sourced through a friend who’s come, made their mark on the UAE, and gone home again. Sure, it may make the English teachers of my past roll in their collective metaphorical grave… but to that I simply say, what to do.Īs the person from my initial group of Dubai friends who’s stuck around this city the longest, I have inherited a lot of loot from departing expat pals over the years. But trust me when I say that this conversation is actually evidence to the contrary: it is proof, for better or for worse, that I have adjusted to my surroundings and adapted accordingly.
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I realize that if you have not spent time in the Middle East / the Indian subcontinent, the above exchange may make me sound like (a) a complete lunatic, or (b) a raging douche. “Thanks, boss!” I yelled back jauntily as I whizzed through the open gate and into the parking garage. “For you madam, okay today” he conceded, raising the gate and letting me through.
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“Okay okay, I go in - then after, fix” I told him, in the same way a newcomer might have said “Could you please let me park in the garage for now, so I can go up to my office for a minute and check to see why there’s a problem with my card?” No, no, no! As the lolcats would say, “ ur doin it wrong.” Brevity is the name of the game when you find yourself stuck in the middle of a shared-vocabulary Venn diagram that contains only about 100 words of overlap, and I suspect I would have found myself faced with a blank stare and a closed gate had I deviated beyond the phrase above.
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“I am going to act like I have no ability to solve this problem,” it means - but it also contains a whisper, an implicit hint: “if you’re willing to push the issue a little further, you might get somewhere.” Note that my omission of a question mark is not unintentional - “what to do,” despite the presence of the seemingly interrogative “what,” is very much a statement of fact. “What to do, madam” he sympathized with a smile and a head bob. As anyone who’s read today’s news can attest, we live in a world beset with problems - I have problems, you have problems, Japan has problems, Charlie Sheen has problems - and “ toooooooo much problem!” seems to me a charmingly inclusive acknowlegment of the burdens we all shoulder. I love the expression because it somehow feels imbued with connection, with solidarity.
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“Too much problem!” I exclaimed gleefully, using a local refrain I’ve grown to love - a mainstay of taxi drivers stuck in interminable traffic and delivery guys trying in vain to locate your apartment building. “Maybe coming expired, madam" he replied. “Why my card is not working?” I implored, noticing the intentionally jumbled syntax only after the words had left my mouth. Unfortunately for me, the prevailing language in Dubai is not Arabic (which, you know, would be really cool to internalize, because it’s an actual foreign language) but rather pidgin English, thanks to the diverse array of people and linguistic groups that call this city home and the role of “English,” as it were, as a tenuous lingua franca.Įnter the moment I had this morning, when I found myself motioning to the security guard in the parking garage at my office, trying to figure out why my parking pass wouldn’t open the gate. I’ve had many such moments over the past few years.
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It’s an exciting realization, bursting with feelings of adaptation and acclimation - I know how to communicate exactly the way I need to in this foreign land! There is a moment in any expat’s life when you realize that you’ve truly internalized the linguistic framework of the country in which you live.